Ze Drem

An anonymous EU announcement:

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the oficial language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility.  As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government, represented by Tony Blair, conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a
five-year phase-in plan that would be known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will be replace the soft 'c'.  Sertainly this
will make sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard 'c' will be dropped
in favour of the 'k'.  This should klear up the konfusion and
keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublsome 'ph' will be replaced with the 'f'.  This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage when more komplikated changes are
possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double and non-
sounded leters, which have always ben a deterant to akuarate
speling.  Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e's
in the languag is disgrasful, and they shud go awa.

By the forth yar, peple wil be reseptiv to such steps as replasing
'th' with 'z', and 'w' with 'v'.  During the žfz yar, ze unesesary
'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaning 'ou', and similar changes vud,
of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of letrs.

Aftr zis žfz yar, ve vil hav a reli sinsibl ritn styl.  Zer vil be no
mor trubls or dižcultis and everivun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech
ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALY KOM TRU!!!!!! 

from 'English Today'  Oct 97  Vol 13, No 4.  It ma hav an erlia sors,