IF OPERATING SYTEMS WERE AIRLINES . . . ================================= DOS Air ------- Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, jump off . . Windows Airlines ---------------- The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants courteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, explodes without warning. Mac Airways ----------- The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look the same, talk the same and act the same. When you ask them questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, you don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. RiscOS Supersonic ----------------- The airline has only one plane, the Acorn Concorde. Peter, the sole technician, who is also the pilot and flight attendant, delights in telling passengers (who are all teachers) that the plane really will go supersonic when he can find the time to design and build some new engines. He tells impatient passengers that he is negotiating a deal with Windows Airlines to use their Lear jets. Life is never dull with RiscOS. OS/2 Skyways ------------ The terminal is almost empty - only a few prospective passengers mill about. The announcer says that a flight has just departed, although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline personnel apologise profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time at the sleek powerful jets outside. They tell each passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until mid-1995. Maybe longer. Fly Windows NT -------------- Passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac and place them in the outline of a plane. They sit down, flap their arms, and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying. Unix Express ------------ Passengers bring a piece of the airplane and a box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing about what kind of plane they want to build. The passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft but give them all the same name. Only some passengers reach their destinations, but ALL of them believe they arrived. Windows 95 Airlines ------------------- This is supposed to be Windows Airlines' new supersonic fleet of planes. However, upon closer inspection, passengers find there are really the same old propellers inside new jet engine casings on the plane. The Airline staff appologise profusely about the lack of comfort features and finishing coats of paint on the planes, but assure passengers that they will be receiving a tune-up any time now, and that the new planes are faster and safer than the older models. However, passengers who earned frequent flyer miles on the old Windows Airlines often have trouble converting them over to the new airline, and many people show up and walk away uninterested, prefering to wait in the terminal and see if any planes somehow manage to take off successfully. A few of the planes build up lots of speed on the runway, but all of them seem to be having great difficulty getting off the ground for even a short time without crashing.